


How We Cope

by murphystarr



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: FoT AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:39:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3633615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murphystarr/pseuds/murphystarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tadashi looked like he had everything together, but his sleepless nights and what kept him up would prove otherwise. But he wouldn’t tell anyone that, not when Hiro was struggling to adjust to their new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How We Cope

**Author's Note:**

> Something quick to get me back into my writing groove. I’ve been having a lot of Tadashi feelings lately.
> 
> Another Family of Two AU oneshot.

If there was one thing Tadashi learned over the past month and a half, it was that he was such an idiot to take the idea of easy sleep for granted. He fondly remembered when he could fall asleep anywhere. And he meant _anywhere_. His Mom had a whole album on her phone chock full of pictures of her oldest son sleeping in odd places. There were photos of him slumped over the table in the middle of dinner. Sprawled out on the carpet when he was studying for midterms. Sitting against the wall with his head rolled back with a string of drool trickling out of the corner of his mouth. And her personal favorite, completely passed out over Hiro in the backseat of the car when they took a family trip to Disneyland. Tadashi’s “Dumbo” ears would flush a bright shade of crimson whenever his parents would bring up his unusual sleeping habit, and the rest of his face wouldn’t fail to pair with his ears when his Mom would pull out her phone.

But now, he would gladly take on that embarrassment again for the rest of his life if it meant that he could get a full night of sleep again.

He adjusted himself on his bed for the umpteenth time, trying to find a more comfortable position so he could maybe get some sleep. It wasn’t that he wasn’t tired, he was exhausted to the bone, but his brain was buzzing with energy that he wish he carried with him during the day. But he couldn’t tune out the one-sided conversation that his subconscious was trying to rope him in to.

His schedule didn’t allow him to ponder on the thoughts that lingered in the back of his mind during the day. Wake up. Make a somewhat decent breakfast. Go to work. For 10 hours. Go back home. Make dinner. Check to make sure Hiro did his homework. Find out why Hiro didn’t do his homework. Supervise his younger brother until he finally completed the assignments. Maybe watch TV. Bid their goodnights as they got ready for bed.

He was always on his feet, hurrying from one place to the next to meet clock-in times and the bus. Tadashi had unknowingly conditioned himself to bottle up any troubling thought that tried approach him, to push it aside as he rang up another customer or restocked shelves. It wasn’t until he was completely still in his bed when his cleverly hidden anxieties and fears would drag themselves towards the front lines of his brain.

Money. Did they have enough? Should he tack on more hours? No, he already worked 50 hours a week. He couldn’t bear to work at the supermarket any longer than that. Maybe part-time jobs. Yeah, that sounded good. But only on the weekends. Hiro needed him after school to make dinner and...

Hiro...

Oh, Hiro. The poor kid was an absolute wreck. He wasn’t adjusting well to the move at all. Or any of the sudden changes that they had to go along with unwillingly. He hated leaving their familiar house behind and moving into the cramped apartment. He hated the stares he got when he picked up his free lunch from the cafeteria. He hated the too long grieving period that seemed never-ending. The social worker had suggested therapy, for both of them, but Tadashi couldn't even find the money to spare for a new pair of shoes for Hiro, let alone regular therapy sessions.

Tadashi pressed his face into his pillow, slowly accepting that he wouldn’t be able to get any sleep. It was a sad feat, but he had grown too accustomed with his nightly battles. He longed for the time when he could fall asleep within minutes, when his mind wasn’t thick with worry. He was lucky if he could get to sleep before midnight, but those were as rare as his days off from work.

Maybe he should take up Wasabi’s offer on that melatonin...

A door creaked open.

Tadashi lifted his head off from the pillow, feeling his heart jump inside his ribcage at the sudden noise. _Was that Hiro?_

Quiet shuffling on the carpet. Something dragging. The squeak of rubbing metal. Faint chirping. A whispered hush.

_Oh, yeah,_ Tadashi thought as he kicked the blankets off his body. _That’s definitely Hiro. But why would he be up at... 1:21 in the morning?_ Of course, Hiro would be asking the exact same thing to his brother. He eased himself off the bed, then treaded over to his door, curling his fingers around the cold brass before turning the knob.

“Hiro?” He called out from the threshold of his bedroom once he opened the door.

Silence. Tadashi stepped out into the hallway, bringing his hands up to rub his arms. He should’ve put a sweatshirt on. “You out here, bud?” He called out again. “C’mon, Hiro, I heard you open Baymax’s cage.”

He turned the corner, and in the darkness he could barely make out a tiny lump that was Hiro’s comforter on the couch. Knowing that Hiro was underneath it, he walked over to lump, pulled off the comforter and sure enough, there was his little brother. Hiro’s knees were parallel with his chest, and he had his arms firmly wrapped around them. His sweatshirt was on backwards, with his ferret in his favorite spot in the hood. Hiro didn’t react when the comforter was abruptly yanked off him, choosing instead to look down at Baymax. Tadashi couldn’t see his expression, his bangs had grown to a point where he could block out any unwanted glances with his hair, all he had to do was lower his head. He really needed to take Hiro in for a haircut.

“Hey.” Tadashi put the comforter to the side. “Didn’t you hear me? I called out for you.”

Hiro didn’t respond. Tadashi knew that he hadn’t fallen back asleep, he could see his shoulders hitch every few seconds, something Hiro did when he was nervous or upset. Tadashi sat down next to his brother, gently placing a hand at the conjunction between his neck and shoulder. Hiro’s twitching suddenly stopped, and he slowly started to sink his forehead deeper into the crevice in front of him, trying to escape the warm touch on his neck.

Tadashi reluctantly pulled his hand away. Hiro was usually like this after he had a nightmare. The tamer ones, anyway. He adamantly refused to be touched by anyone when he could still feel the adrenaline drumming against his veins. When the hairs on the back of his neck wouldn’t go back down. When he couldn't shake off the feeling of waking up in cold sweat. The overstimulation of his senses were enough to rattle the twelve-year-old, along with the added shock from a nightmare, Hiro was shot down to an emotional wreck. He needed his own space and time to come down from his high, to get back in touch with reality in his own way.

It was heartbreaking for Tadashi, knowing that he couldn’t comfort his brother when he was in this state. But if it worked for Hiro, it would have to work for him. He leaned back against the couch, letting out a long breath.

“I’ll be here if you need anything, okay?”

Hiro just squeezed himself tighter.

They sat in the dark in an uncomfortable silence for a while, the occasional sniff from Hiro breaking the quiet. That kid really needed some professional help. Help that didn’t wear t-shirts with cardigans and rolled up the cuffs of his pants. There was so much that Tadashi could do for his little brother, but at times like these, it definitely wasn’t enough. He could make sure that they had enough food for the week and that Hiro’s shoes were still in one piece. Physical things. But what went on with Hiro’s mental health was a complete mystery.

Tadashi ran a hand over his face, feeling a tug on his lower lids. What would their parents have done in his situation? Everything in their power to get Hiro the help he needed, that’s what they would’ve done. Dad would’ve found the best childhood psychologist in the area, accompany Hiro to every appointment, ask the doctor all sorts of questions to make sure that his youngest son was doing alright coping with his night terrors. Mom would be there to calm him with every nightmare Hiro had, sacrificing her sleeping schedule to ensure that he felt safe, providing the comfort and reassurance that only a mother could give. And Tadashi... What would Tadashi have done?

Probably nothing. He most likely wouldn’t have known that another one of his brother’s episodes had occurred until the next morning, when Hiro couldn’t stay awake at the breakfast table. Tadashi would say something smart, something about his hair or that he had his shirt inside out. And his mother would’ve hit him on the skull with her spatula, telling him to lay off, he had a rough night.

Yeah, that’s how it would’ve gone down. That’s how things would be if their Mom and Dad weren’t six feet under. Tadashi had barely turned nineteen when police officers came to their house seven weeks ago to be the bearers of horrible news. When his world turned upside down and he was suddenly bombarded with questions that, for the first time, he didn’t know the answers to. Things like the mortgage. And funeral plans. Health insurance. Things that they didn’t teach you in school. Tadashi knew how to develop complex coding, but he didn’t know how to apply for a loan. How to do taxes. His own Social Security number. Those were the things that his parents took care of, things that adults did, not nineteen year old college students.

But Tadashi took it on as best as he could. He hung his last lingering shred of a carefree life on its hook in exchange for custody rights. Packed up and sold their childhood home. Pushed through the exhaustion, the body aches, the stress that piled up with being a responsible adult and guardian.

All without uttering a single complaint.

Their parents had always prided Tadashi for his high maturity level, boasting about their son’s accomplishments in academics and social intellect. How his flexible thinking and positive attitude landed him high-end internships (which he later dropped) out of a pool of thousands of applicants. What a good son he was. Their pride and joy. How _proud_ of him they were.

_Would they be proud of me now?_

_Of course they would,_ Mrs. Alaggio had told him, patting a less than sympathetic hand on his shoulder, _You’re doing so well considering... Well, considering everything that’s happened in such a short time._

_I don’t think they’d like the idea that I have to sell the house._

_It can’t be helped, you told me that you can’t afford it._

An awkward chuckle.

_But_ , she ruffled through some papers, _are you sure about your decision about leaving SFIT?_

Oh boy, he tried his best to hide his eye roll, here we go.

_You’re nineteen years old, Mr. Hamada. You have such a promising future right at your fingers. Are you really going to let all that hard work turn to water?_

_If it means that Hiro and I can stay together_ , a deep, sad sigh, _then it might as well evaporate._

Silence. Papers shuffling. A long sigh. _Do you really think that you and your brother_ should _stay together?_

He felt his heart jump to his throat. _Excuse me?_

_Mr. Hamada, think about your brother’s best interests. He’s still in high school for now, but what about when he continues his education? What happens when Hiro’s out of the nest?_

His fingernails became more interesting than the cold Italian woman’s face. She continued.

_Like I said before, you’re very smart. You go to the top technology institute in the state, for Biomedical Engineering, in fact. I understand your leaving for a semester or two, but completely giving up your education just for your brother? When he’s out of the picture, you’ll have a high school degree, something that many career paths don’t look for in-_

_What’s your point?_ He purposely growled, moving on to his cuticles. He didn’t bother to look up and see Mrs. Alaggio’s expression, but he knew that she would be furious with his rude outburst. And he didn’t care one bit.

_My_ point, she snapped her folder shut with a little more force than necessary, _is that maybe you should reconsider giving Hiro to the state. Let him find a family who can provide for him, one with a degree and steady income. A family that can help him-_

_Just- Just stop!_ Tadashi cried out. She raised an eyebrow in surprise. His fingers moved to his hair. He balled them into fists. His knee fluttered in time with his heart. _I’m not letting him go! He’s all I have left!_

_Mr. Hamada-_ , she warned.

_I know I’m not perfect! I’m nothing like my Mom and Dad! But I’m trying my_ **hardest _!_**

His head shot up. Narrow bloodshot eyes met cold lax eyes. Heavy breathing. Gritted teeth. Silence. A deep breath.

_Maybe your hardest isn’t enough._

* * *

Tadashi wasn’t in the social worker’s office anymore. He was in their apartment, digging his fingernails into his palms. He had somehow managed to bend himself to a near thirty degree angle, his nose inches away from his knees. He could feel his hot breath sink through his flannel pajama pants, and the growing heat hinted that he had been in that position for a while. He quietly rose, silently thankful for the cold apartment and the relief it gave his face. He scrubbed his eyes with both hands, then leaned against his palms with a soft moan. Not again.

The thoughts from before had crept back to Tadashi’s mind, this time at full force. It wasn’t the first time that he unintentionally resurfaced the painful memory with their social worker, but it never failed to shake him to his core every time it occurred. She had been flat out against Hiro being taken in by Tadashi as his guardian. She had voiced that on many occasions. _Loudly_. If he weren’t afraid of her power, Tadashi would’ve matched her opinions with his own, and at the same level of volume. But she had the authority to split the brothers apart, separate the last two remaining members of the already small Hamada family. And she’d gladly do it too, all with a sad Botox smile.

A soft, quivering breath broke Tadashi’s train of thought, and he craned his head just in time to see Hiro unraveling himself from his own clutches. He pushed his palms on the couch, elevating his body so he could swipe his legs underneath him and sat on them. He still refused to look up, keeping his face concealed behind an ebony mop.

“Hiro?” Tadashi asked hopefully, silently praying that his voice didn’t falter.

A few seconds passed. “Yeah?” Hiro whispered.

Tadashi placed a hand over his heart, relief washing over him. _He’s finally calming down_. “You doing okay?”

“Not really,” he began to pick at a loose thread at his sleeve. Silence overcame the room again. Tadashi cleared his throat.

“Well... Do you want to talk about it?”

Hiro froze, letting his hands fall limply to his sides. It wasn’t until his body suddenly broke out into trembles when Tadashi sprung into action. He dove onto the floor, letting a pained grunt escape his lips when he landed on his knees. Tadashi quickly moved to where he could kneel in front of his brother, then reached out to get a firm hold of his shaking chin.

“Hey, hey hey hey hey, Hiro!” Tadashi gently rose Hiro’s chin so he could finally meet Tadashi face to face. Once he saw that his little brother’s eyes were wide with panic, Tadashi immediately regretted his words. The simple thought of remembering his night terror, even talking about it, was enough to shake Hiro to his core. Tadashi could easily see it through Hiro eyes. He brushed his brother’s bangs away from his forehead in a comforting gesture, _something Mom would’ve done_. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Okay?”

Hiro let out a loud breath he didn’t know he was holding, mainly out of relief. He slumped forward, scrabbling at Tadashi’s shoulders to prevent crushing Baymax with his body. Tadashi awkwardly placed a hand on Hiro’s back, then started to rub in soft circles when he didn’t try to flinch away at his brother’s touch. He let Hiro hang there for a while, listening to his shaky breathing as he tried to calm himself down again.

“I...” Hiro stuttered after a few minutes and Tadashi pulled his hand away. “I don’t want to go back to sleep.”

Tadashi was expecting to hear those words for a while. He knew that Hiro didn’t feel safe after one of his nightmares. He had woken up in the mornings to see Hiro wide awake in the living room a number of times. Only this time, he wouldn’t let his brother go through it alone. The eldest Hamada gently pushed Hiro to a sitting position and wiped the bangs away from his forehead again. He sighed, giving him a tired grin.

“That’s okay,” Tadashi said, “you don’t have to go back to bed if you don’t think you can.”

Hiro’s jaw dropped, as if he didn’t believe what had just been told. “Are... Are you serious? You’re not gonna make me go back to bed?”

Tadashi shrugged as he eased himself off the floor, making his way over to the television. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s not a school night.” He bent down beside the DVD player, fingers grazing over the various movies. “You can take a nap later if you get tired. Ah,” he grabbed a familiar case, “found it.”

“What about you?” Hiro asked as he watched his brother slide the DVD into the player. “You can’t go without sleep like I can. Don’t you want to go to bed?”

_I’ve been trying all night_ , Tadashi thought as he swiped two separate remotes. He snapped the television on, and watched as the menu for Wreck-it Ralph slowly revealed itself on the screen. Looking over his shoulder, he was relieved to see the corners of Hiro’s mouth slightly perk up.

“What? You really think I’d leave you up by yourself?” He smugly rolled his eyes. “What kind of brother do you take me for?”

He returned to his place on the couch, then reached past Hiro to grab the comforter.

“Seeing as none of us are in the mood for sleeping,” he said, dragging the blanket across their laps, “we might as well make the best of it.”

Hiro didn’t object to the suggestion of an impromptu movie, snuggling against the couch as Tadashi pushed the play button.

It had been a while since the two were able to take advantage of the little free time that they had to watch a movie together. Any spare moment that they had was usually used to either clean the apartment or pay the bills, little things to keep the social worker at bay and prove that Tadashi was a model guardian. Or naps. Naps were always good. They had taken a lot of those lately, squeezing in a few minutes of sleep before their schedule had to whisk them off to the harsh reality. But at 1:49 in the morning, they had the golden opportunity to put their stressful lives on hold and absorb themselves in their favorite movie. Not the ideal place or time, but they gladly took it.

About an hour into the film, when Calhoun’s shriek ripped free from the speakers, the sound of a sharp breath came from Tadashi’s right. Startled, he turned his head to see Hiro flinching awake, raising a hand to his face. Baymax had somehow fallen out of the hoodie, and was laying belly up, knocked out, in Hiro’s lap.

“Hiro?” He paused the movie. “Did you fall asleep?” He let out a yawn, scrubbing his eyes before letting it drop on the comforter with a smack. It took him a while to process his brother’s question, but he eventually murmured, “I… I don’t know.”

Tadashi carefully scooped the ferret out of the younger’s lap. “What was the last thing you remember?”

“A…” Another yawn escaped his throat as Tadashi crossed the living room. “AKB48.”

_Sugar Rush_. Tadashi chuckled as he placed Baymax on his hammock. _He’s been out for a while_.

He latched the cage shut, then turned to see that Hiro had sprawled out on the couch, using his folded arms as a makeshift pillow. He had almost fallen back into the open arms of sleep when he felt a strong hand shake his shoulder. He moaned,

“Tadaaaashiiiii. Stooooop.”

Tadashi snorted at the muffled complaint, but it didn’t stop him from jostling his brother. Hiro tried curling into a ball, hoping in his muddled mind that the elder would take a hint and leave him be. Tadashi just snorted, and resulted to using both of his hands, watching Hiro’s head bobble back and forth like the figurines they sold at the baseball stadiums. “C’mon, Hiro, get up.”

“ほっといてくれよ.”

Startled at the sudden slip of Japanese, Tadashi ceased his shaking, allowing Hiro the chance to curl deeper into his human cannonball.

“Hiro.”

“Whaaaat…?”

Back to English. He could roll with that. He bent down to Hiro at eye level, and used his thumb and pointer finger to pry his brother’s lid open. He ignored the hushed curse that Hiro let out, he’d reprimand him about that later.

“C’mon, you gotta get in your own bed.”

His hand was swatted away, and Hiro rolled onto his back, pressing his palms against his eyes. “I’m comfortable here, Tadashi.”

“At least you’re able to sleep,” Tadashi hummed under his breath as he dragged the comforter from underneath Hiro. He threw it over him, taking the time to tuck it in, knowing that Hiro would most likely kick it off in his sleep. The last thing he needed to wake up to was a cold.

Hiro’s bleary eyes trailed up to Tadashi’s face, where he met his gaze from the corner of his eye. “Aren’t you gonna stay?”

Tadashi just hummed as he reached for the remote. “I’m pretty sure that you won't get another nightmare, so I’m gonna try and get some sleep.”

_More like not any at all_ , he thought as his fingers curled around the clicker.

“Noooooo…” Hiro grabbed his brother’s wrist, refusing to let go even as he raised his arm high enough to pull him off the couch.

“What the- Hiro, please let go of me.”

“Stay here, Tadashi.” He felt his neck fail him, and let his head fall backwards. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Those eight words struck him like a freight train. Of course Hiro wouldn’t want to be left alone, he had every right to cling onto his brother like a lifeline when he felt like this. Vulnerable. Afraid. Terrified of what his unconscious thoughts could form into.

And it broke Tadashi’s heart.

Without warning, Tadashi shook Hiro off of his wrist, then jerked his thumb to the side when Hiro propped himself up on his elbows to give his brother a death glare.

“Move over.”

His face relaxed, and he gladly scooted to the side to give his brother his spot back.

“You want the movie back on? Or should I just turn it off?”

“Keep playing it.”

Tadashi obliged, pressing the play button as he made himself comfortable back on the couch. He didn’t complain as Hiro pressed himself to his side, bringing his knees to his chest to keep himself warm. Fingers found themselves working their way into Hiro’s hair, tracing random shapes on his skull. Normally, Hiro would’ve rejected the touch, hating the way that his hair would sometimes get tangled, but at that point, he was grateful for any sort of reassurance that Tadashi would stay with him.

It didn’t take long for Hiro to doze off. Tadashi heard his breathing even out by the time Vanellope’s kart was destroyed. Nevertheless, he continued playing with Hiro’s hair, taking the time to prevent it from tangling. He tried getting back into the movie, but when he was the only conscious person in the apartment, he didn’t have to fake his front anymore. The negative thoughts took their time with plaguing Tadashi’s mind, sending him into his familiar nerve-wracking state.

He had too much to do. Mrs. Alaggio was coming by in a few days for another one of their monthly visits. He had to make sure that the entire apartment was _spotless_. But it didn’t matter how much he made their home shine, she would always find something to gripe at by the end of their conversation. Usually about the stench of ferret that no matter how hard he tried, would always linger in the living area. The thirty-year-old woman had voiced her opinion about “that rodent” many times, and Hiro would just retort by rubbing Baymax against his face.

He needed to remember to beg Hiro to be on his best behavior again. And maybe move his pet into his bedroom. Hopefully permanently.

A wispy breath fought it’s way through Tadashi’s shirt, and he found that his little brother had inched his way closer to him, letting his cheek rest against his ribs. From the glow of the television, he could see that his face was completely lax. Eyelids free from movement and forehead completely smooth. He hadn’t seen Hiro this peaceful in a long time. Probably since before the accident.

The longer he gazed down at Hiro’s placid expression, the freer his mind felt. Knowing that his little brother felt safe, happy almost, free from any nightmares or demons, seemed to put Tadashi at peace. Like all his hard work was somewhat paying off. All the sleepless nights, long hours at the supermarket, putting up with the social worker… It all reflected off Hiro’s current state of tranquility.

He felt his eyelids droop.

Tadashi pulled the comforter around them, dragging it up to Hiro’s shoulders and tucking it against his own side. He snapped the television off with the aide of the remote, then allowed himself to curl into the couch, wrapping a protective arm around his sleeping brother.

He welcomed the darkness with open arms.

* * *

 

He didn’t know what woke him up first. The clicking of Baymax’s nails against the cage or the gleam that shone through his eyelids. But Tadashi could bet that the real reason was the heavy intrusion that refused to lighten off his cheek.

He split his eyelashes open, hissing at the afternoon sun, barely making out the sight of Hiro’s foot through the bleary film that covered his eyes. After he rubbed it away as best as he could, he stifled a chuckle at the sight before him.

If Hiro hadn’t lived up to his nickname as “Space Hog” before, he sure proved it then and there. He had somehow managed to move to the other side of the couch and take up most of it, letting his arm dangle off the side. His head had lolled to the side, and Tadashi could make out a clear track of drool seeping out from the corner of his mouth. If that weren’t enough, he had unconsciously decided that he didn’t need Tadashi anymore, and pushed his heel against his older brother’s face, making him slump over the armrest where he was currently resting.

And Tadashi managed to sleep through all of it.

With a grin, he carefully adjusted Hiro so that he was perfectly parallel with the couch. He then slid his hands behind Hiro’s back, and harshly shoved his brother off the couch to join the comforter on the floor.

“なんだそれ?!”

“Hey! No swearing! Even if it is in Japanese!”


End file.
